Journal entry 19 September 2007

I surprised myself today.

I expected class time to be as usual. I woke up disturbed by what happened yesterday & I left my house sighing.

“Sigh, another day at school. It’s going to be a tiring day. 7 periods. Sigh. Slept at 1am last night (because I was marking exam papers) & don’t mind another few hours of sleep. 4K5 – how should I teach them today?”

As I was driving & listening to Light FM’s plug the hole, a prayer started within me & I turned off the radio immediately. I prayed for strength to forgive. I prayed that God would humble me. My prayer continued through parking & fingerprinting & until I sat down at my table.

I surprised myself today because of how my lessons went.

4P1 – exercise on pin-hole camera
4P3 – literature exercises on ‘Looking for a Rain God
4K5 – exercises on rainbow colours & pin-hole camera
5S3 – discussion on trial exam paper 2

It wasn’t any big, creative lessons using videos or powerpoints. It was the deep desire & strength that only God could provide, that spurred me on. It was the step by step guidance I gave without impatience. It was helping the students enjoy what they learn & helping them apply to life what I was teaching. It was walking out of class feeling refreshed, feeling fulfilled.

Between August & yesterday, going into class felt like drudgery. I was only looking forward to the Raya holidays & to the end of year. I was counting how many days before I go on holiday. I was depressed about students not turning up for extra classes. I was depressed about the piles of books & papers to mark.

But today was different. I gave my life over to God & He took charge.

There was so much laughter in 4P3, so many responses to the questions we were discussing. Even Nazrin was enthusiastic, doing his work & speaking in English. We also sang a song to learn the word ‘remember’ and the students burst into more laughter:
Ingat ingat itu, remember
Jangan lupa itu, don’t forget
Aku cinta kamu, I love you
Hanya engkau, only you

We talked about the talents God has given to each of us in 4K5. We talked about photographers who earn RM650 a day. We talked about the artist at Danga Bay who charges RM100 for a family portrait. We talked about designing computer games. We talked about being a cashier, a bank clerk & a businessman. I gave them hope, that they can do worthwhile things with their lives & make a living, even if they are not good in their studies. The key is to use the talent that God has given them.

And in 5S3…this is a class which I often get impatient with because often the students would go off to dreamland & no matter how many times I drill them on a certain exercise, they would forget & not get the answers right. But there was so much patience today. Step by step, all the way, & I came out without the frustrated feelings that I usually have.

I surprised myself today. But I think it is more correct to say, God surprised me today, when I humbled myself & gave myself to Him.

Indeed, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me (Philipians 4:13, The Bible).